


Dialectic

by chocoCate



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Angst, F/M, Gen, Zuko wouldn't be Zuko if he wasn't a little angsty, Zutara, modern!AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-02
Updated: 2019-03-02
Packaged: 2019-11-08 03:24:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17973566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chocoCate/pseuds/chocoCate
Summary: A journey into Zukos's mind through three phases to self-love, with a little help from Katara.





	Dialectic

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the COWT9, warnings AU, Angst and Gen

**1\. Thesis**

He is ugly. To Zuko, this is a tautology, as true as two plus two equals four. The cause and proof of it is engraved on his face as sharp as cliffs in the form of a burn scar, the last permanent vestige of a harsh lesson never forgotten.

Once upon a time, nobody could make him sit still and shut up for more than five minutes. He was a naive and energetic boy, with big dreams and a little temper; now, he is a shy, quiet and reserved adult, and the scar can be blamed for the change. He finds comfort in melting with the shadows in the darker corners of whatever room he’s into, in hooded sweatshirts, in carrying himself as not to raise attention to his scar.

He’s fine with being the studious type, pouring onto books and breaking the monotony with the occasional kung-fu practice. His uncle, however, isn’t fine with it.

Iroh is, for lack of a better word, a pushy man. His continuous (and unasked) help during the more formative years of his life has helped Zuko more than he would like to admit, but it doesn’t mean his attentions are always welcome. The tentative to get Zuko out of his shell by hiring him as his assistant is entirely unappreciated. He’s _fine_. He’s better in the shadow, where no one will pay any mind to him and his ugly face.

Anyway, Zuko decides to humor him, mostly out of his sense of honor. It wouldn’t do to show ingratitude after all the things Iroh has done for him and, anyway, it’s not that bad. He likes latin enough to teach it and he balances his uncle by being naturally strict while Iroh is naturally lenient. Soon enough, the students are too scared of him to talk shit about him when he is within earshot.

Aang is one of his most interesting students. While he’s easily distracted and naive to a fault, he’s also so likeable and friendly that no one can resent him for being Iroh’s favourite. In addition to that, just to complete the picture of the ball of sunshine he is, he also doesn’t judge easily. He’s Zuko’s complete opposite; he loves the spotlight, doesn’t shut up until it is strictly necessary, and carries an air of serenity around him that Zuko tries his hardest not to be jealous of.

Whenever they meet for a one-on-one tutoring session, it’s easy to see the boy’s itch to sit near the cafè’s window to people-watch and most likely to lose himself in a world of sunshine and happiness and flying bisons.

It takes much of Zuko’s energy and patience to tutor him with positive reinforcements rather than harshness. One day, just when he’s about to tear his hair off trying to explain the nuances of Roman politics and the relationship between Cicero and Catiline, he meets Katara.

He is not aware of the young woman approaching their table until she’s right next to them. She’s pretty, with olive skin, long brown hair, a blinding smile and a keen blue-eyed stare that makes him want to hide lest she finds out all his deepest and darkest secrets.

Her reaction to first seeing his scar is well subdued, but not so that he doesn’t catch it. A restrained gasp, the quick turn of her eyes from his scar to something else, he sees it all, and she seems smart enough to know it; yet she does an admirable job of acting as there’s nothing worth noticing.

Unsurprisingly, she’s a friend of Aang, here to retrieve the boy after his tutoring session to hang out. Zuko can’t bring himself to say more than a few words while she’s there, and when they leave he has the distinct feeling that he did not make a good impression on her.

Well, who cares. It’s not like he will meet her again.

 

**2\. Antithesis**

Zuko cannot read minds. So, while he deludes himself into believing that he knows what people think about him, he keeps missing all the little signals that point at something different than his own opinions. He’s too blinded by the notion that he’s ugly to see what’s really in front of him.

While the students fear him, the corridor chatter has shifted from his fearsome visage to complaints about his strictness or a grudging respect for his knowledge of latin. Unbeknownst to him, he has a gaggle of admirers, students who listen to his corrections and explanations with lovey-dovey eyes and sign the dates of their one-on-one tutoring sessions on their calendars with little hearts.

The possibility doesn’t reach his mind. He’s ugly and his personality is not pleasant, he knows it; there is no way anyone would like him.

After their first meeting, Katara has a lot of opinions on Zuko.

He can be considered handsome, she guesses, even with that horrible scar that raises a lot of questions that should not be asked. Mostly though, the guy is a prick - she can understand there should be a barrier between a teacher ( _assistant teacher_ ) and his students, but he was freezing cold towards both her and Aang.

She intends to go on about her life, forgetting eventually the uneventful meeting, but now that she’s been introduced to him, she sees the guy _everywhere_. When she gets coffee at 6am right after her shift at the hospital, she sees him bent on papers upon papers at one table in the corner. When she decides to go to the gym after dinner time, when there is the least amount of people training, she sees him training with headphones on. She should have noticed him before, especially because of his conspicuous scar, but there seems to be pattern of him choosing to be in the quietest and most easily hidden corner of any space.

She doesn’t feel right ignoring his presence, so the next time she sees him (in the library, next to the medicine section for some weird reason) she puts on her best fake smile and approaches him.

Spoiler alert: it turns out to be the best choice she’s ever made.

One casual meeting after another, the greetings turn into casual questions about the other’s well being, then in small conversations, and after a little more than a month, the meetings become less casual and more planned. She makes sure to tell him when she works the night shift so that she can interrupt his grading for a nice breakfast and a better conversation right after she’s done. He shows up outside of the hospital with lunch right after her morning shift ends, sparing her the nuisance of having to cook for herself.

He’s smart and well educated, incredibly passionate under layers upon layers of grumpiness, irritableness and shyness. He’s as opinionated as she is, and they get into explosive arguments until one of them cedes. He speaks truthfully, honestly, and even if he lacks tact she doesn’t mind - in fact, it’s surprisingly refreshing to be told so frankly when she’s wrong about something. When she’s with him, she’s just Katara, not an infallible human being, like Aang seems to think of her, not a sister to protect, as she is to Sokka. It feels liberating.

In just a few months, he has become her best friend. The guy with the scar is no more - _Zuko_ is the one she knows, underneath all the layers of self-doubt and lack of love for himself.

And _maybe_ \- just maybe - she carries part of that love for him within herself.

 

**3\. Synthesis**

Exactly when the semester ends, Katara abruptly decides it’s time to introduce Zuko to her friends. While he’s sure that it is not a good idea, especially considering that Aang was one of his students just until a day before, he is not able to convince her of it.

Katara’s group is blessedly small in size, so the experience is less stressing than he would have thought. Aang treats him with a friendliness that, given their past, is quite surprising and heart-warming. Katara’s brother Sokka doesn’t bother to hide his gaping reaction to his scar, and he’s so obvious about it that it turns out to be awkwardly refreshing. Toph is something else altogether.

It’s strange to deal with someone who doesn’t see his scar, as if he has forgotten how it works without the looks and the distinct impression it gives. The small girl doesn’t hesitate to make him the subject of sassy remarks and immediately dubs him Hotpants after he gets annoyed with Sokka for a stupid remark of his.

In all of his adult life, Zuko can’t remember having this much fun with a group of people. Even though he’s awkward and can’t tell a joke even if his life depended on it, he is accepted into their midst wholeheartedly. It feels good in a way that he now realizes has been missing from his life before, and it takes him half the afternoon to realize that Iroh was right _again_ and that his pushiness has helped him _again_.

He’s back living the life his father has tried to take away from him.

So, when Toph loudly announces she wants to touch his face “to see him”, he lets her even if he doesn’t feel that sure, and doesn’t stop her even if he starts to hyperventilate.

Katara is the one who stops it; he didn’t realize she was paying such close attention to him, and he feels something inside him swell. “Maybe another time, Toph,” she says, and diverts everyone’s attention so expertly she surely has done it in the past; and, when everyone is thoroughly distracted, she whispers so that only him can hear her, “Rome wasn’t built in a day, Zuko. Take your time.”

Most of the time Zuko is not really _ashamed_ of his scar. It’s a reminder of what he could have been (cruel and unforgiving, like the scalding licks of a hungry fire) compared to what he is now (warm and comforting, like the embers of a fireplace), of how much he is changed since his angry teenage years. He bears it with proudness, even though it nags at his self-esteem much like the winds and rains chip at mountains.

He’s able to forget about it when he is with Katara. She has a way of making him feel like he’s out of his body, like he’s Zuko and nothing else. Yet, one day she asks. They are alone, comfortable in their intimacy, and talking about it feels liberating. He tells her about his father’s cruelty and the unsparing torture of hot flames on his face, and she weeps for him, _it is so unfair, Zuko, how could he do this to you?_ Her hand trembles approaching his scar and he stays firm, because she’s Katara and she has become the person he trusts the most - he isn’t afraid of her.

She touches the edges of the scar, caresses it without a speck of disgust on her face - it’s the opposite of what his father wanted to happen when he gave it to him, with the cruel intention to make his life solitary. Zuko meets her hand with his, and tells her about Iroh’s kindness and how he found solace in the words of ancient and modern authors - and, he adds with the slightest hesitation, in her.

She smiles, still weeping, and starts to tell him about a different story, one of a little girl who lost her mother and found herself filling that role, and Zuko finds out that scars can be hidden from view.

Maybe he thinks, the worst scar isn’t the one on his face, but rather one like Katara’s, that may be healed but is still there. And Katara - she is still so beautiful, to him.

He doesn’t know it yet, but this is the day he starts the final step of his healing.


End file.
